Let me introduce you to Fritz. I won’t reveal her real name but she’s the mother of a great mate of mine. We call her Fritz because she’s German. I mentioned that I was hopping across the Tasman for a few days on secret squirrel business. Well, it’s not so secret now. My mate has had her baby. In fact by the time you read this post, bub will be 6 days old.

But the point of today’s post is to tell you about Fritz. She’s like my second mother and we always end up in fits of laughter when we talk about this and that. She had me nearly in stitches the day before The Event (as we referred to the birth). The three of us went to The Kazbah for breakfast (review coming soon) and then onto Pasticceria Papa in Haberfield to pick up some cannolis. As you can tell, our main aim was to eat our way through Sydney before The Event. Because after The Event, I’ll be back in New Zealand and my mate will have her hands full with bub.

Fritz and my mate love the jacarandas that bloom all over Sydney during November. I must say the lilac splendour of the jacarandas is an endearing memory I have of my many years living in Sydney. And so Fritz thought it would be a good idea to name bub Leila (which she pronounced Lila). She felt the name was like lilac and would be a special name for a bub born when the jacarandas bloom. But my mate, as any soon-to-be mother, was keen to name her own baby.

I waded into the fray with a story about my name, Kim. When I asked my mother why I was called Kim she told me it wasn’t her choice. It was my grandmother’s and my father’s selection. My grandmother said she’d always loved Kipling’s book, Kim, and my father said I was named after Kim Novak, the Hollywood actress. Personally, I preferred the latter explanation rather than being named after a male character in an essentially male novel of colonial India. My mother was going to land me with these names: Brydie, Briony, Brittany, Bethany or Bridget (clearly, there was a thing going on with Bs). But she changed her mind when it came to my second name, which is Victoria. No idea why. I actually prefer Victoria to Kim. During my school years, I was landed with the nickname Kimbies (presumably after the nappy brand). Hated it. I chucked a mega hissy fit during my teens and changed my first name to Victoria but no-one seemed to want to call me that.

So the moral of my story was to point out to Fritz that first names given to babies by people other than the mother or parents are not always liked by the kid. Somehow, this led to Fritz telling us about what I can only refer to as coffee identity theft. For years (years!!!!), when she goes to cafes and they ask for a name they can call out when your coffee is ready, she has used my name Kim instead of her own first name. What the??

We really couldn’t get a convincing explanation out of Fritz as to why she does this. She just said she likes Kim; that it’s easy to say. We all had a good laugh when she told us that one day she was with her son and a chap walked in and said “Hi Kim” (he knew Fritz from her fraudulent coffee activities at a particular cafe). No doubt Fritz’s son was pretty confused.

I told Fritz that from now on, whenever a barista asks for my name to write on those styrofoam coffee cups, I am going to use Fritz’s real first name. My mate suggested that all of us just say Kim whenever any of us is asked for a name. Hilarious.

Who would have suspected such an innocent looking woman to be guilty of coffee identity theft!

Like a little angel - Fritz.